There’s a saying in startup culture: fail fast. It essentially means, learn to spot a dead horse early and quit flogging it. But when it comes to the arts it’s a long term game and ‘fail fast’ just doesn’t quite seem to apply. The creative industries are some of the first to feel the impacts of a recession and some of the last to recover. We’ve been relegated to the ‘luxury’ category so out we go with the longed for purchase of the new car and the holiday home. The financial pressure of being a full time artist is ever present but when the burden becomes too much for the work to bear, that’s when the artist and the art really begin to suffer. And that has been the last few months for me. We’re not meant to talk about the hards parts, the parts that feel like failure. When the work comes back from the gallery unsold, when no one walks through the door, or when your own internal dialogue condemns you as a failure.

Elizabeth Gilbert advises in her book ‘Big Magic’ to resist making your art pay its way. Keep hold of the job and work in the spaces in between for as long as you can. My furious artistic will has railed against this all my life. “No!”, It shouts. “It simply won’t do that I can’t paint and be celebrated AND pay the bills.” Well, at the ripe old age of 45 I have conceded that Elizabeth is right. In times like these my art can not pay its way. And I am now working a part time job at a hydroponics strawberry growing outfit to ease the pressures.

Two important things happened:

1. I was made aware that I am unemployable beyond minimum wage because my 25 years of honing a skill in painting doesn’t translate to employment which has made me reassess my career option. This is a whole other blogpost!

2. The joy came back to painting. Every minute I spend in the studio now is a celebration and the freedom I feel to express myself however I wish has injected a new vibrancy into the work. And that feels like unexpected joy, an absolute gift.

So, have I failed? In some ways, maybe. But having joy return to my work feels like a massive win.

Until next time, take care,

Ngā mihi,

Meredith x